What a truly incredible man !
I had no idea he was so pivotal in bringing the Life of the glorious St Herman of Alaska back to public and ecclesiastical attention in modern times..... I have an icon of St Herman on my desk as I type.
Fr Seraphim was involved with two of the saints I revere, St Herman and St John of San Francisco, and I didn`t know........
On the other hand, this book is profoundly disturbing.
I do not even know whether I dare call myself Christian any more, after reading about Fr Seraphim`s conversion to Christ and subsequent life.
He was so single-minded, so whole-hearted in his love for Christ and his determination to lead a truly Christian existence that I feel utterly ashamed of my own halting, pitiful and inadequate attempts to lead a Christian life .
If I met Christ in the flesh today, would I willingly give up my material pleasures to follow him ?
I like to think that I would, but am I *sure*, in my heart of hearts ?
I know my podvig is to be a wife and mother, but do I treat it as a podvig, as a means of grace, a labour of love and sacrifice, as a chance always to put others first and myself last ?
If I truly loved my family, I would not put my own wants, needs and desires first and foremost. It seems that the way I live my life just goes to show that I love myself more than I do anyone else.
I love my husband and children enough to risk my life for them if they were in danger, so why do I not daily and willingly "lay down my life" for them ?
Some days I treat my family as though they are an inconvenience, a hindrance to my life, not as a truly great blessing and the means by which I can work out my salvation with fear and trembling.
I am ashamed.
May God have mercy upon me and allow me time for repentance and for me to at least make a *start* of beginning to do good........
No comments:
Post a Comment