Monday, October 03, 2011

The Hamster Chronicles, Part The First.

Thursday night:

Send subliminal messages to the youngest daughter along the lines of "Yes, you really do want a cute, adorable, sweet little hamster for your forthcoming birthday. Make sure you really stress this to your loving parents, preferably repeatedly over the next 24 hours......"

Friday night:

It worked! The child has made ardent representations to her parents, promising that she will dutifully and lovingly care for the intended hamster, including cleaning out the cage at least once a week. The parents are weakening.  We will infiltrate this household; I am confident of success !

Saturday morning:

08.00
The child has woken up bright and early, asking what time they can all go to the pet shop to "look at" cages and hamsters. The parental units have stressed that there is no guarantee that  hamsters will be bought today, despite the quivering lower lip and tear-filled eyes of the aforesaid youngest child. It is turning into a family outing; we have an added chance of success as Mrs DoomHamster is accompanying them on the excursion, and we all know how obsessed she is with hamsters.....

09.00
The entire family has been processed through the decontamination showers to make sure they do not bring any noxious odours or germs to the pet emporium. This is looking very promising indeed.

09.30
What ?
 They are not going straight to the pet shop? Do they think this is some sort of day-trip, with these plans of going to The Big M's for  the bizarrely named "Happy Meal" ? These parental units really do need to get their priorities straightened out. I can see I will have to lick them into shape pretty smartly once I become Numero Uno...

10.00
They are in the car, en route to their feeding stop. I will be able to see them eating from my pet shop, and will be sending subliminal messages to encourage them to bolt their food as quickly as possible. At least there is not a queue in the fast food place......

10.45
They have entered my building. The smallest child has dragged most of her siblings to look at all the hamsters while the parental units look at the price of the cages.
Rats !  there is a major technical hitch; the lower life-forms (AKA gerbils and Russian dwarf hamsters) are on the lowest two tiers of cages, and therefore at perfect eye level for the youngest child... we are stuck on the top shelf and SHE CANNOT SEE HOW WONDERFUL WE ARE !
Semd loud messages to taller members of the party.... ah, that's better, they have lifted her up so she can see how fluffy, adorable  and  megalomanic  cute we Syrian hamsters really are.
She seems to be weakening; now we just need to convince the parental units, who for some inexplicable reason, remain somewhat sceptical.....

11.00
Bother. The shop assistant has warned them that they will only be able to keep one of us in a cage because we  are likely to murder maim kill destroy  fight.  How can we achieve world domination if we can only have one hamster per household ? We may need to have alternative plans.....

11.10
I have been chosen !  I am currently in a cardboard carrying tube whilst the male parental unit is paying the bill, and I am on my way to my new home. Little do they know what awaits them......

12.00
I am safely ensconced in my palatial new home. I must say, it is a vast improvement over the last domicile. I have a spacious  perspex  and pink plastic cage, a wooden see-saw, my own little house,  a ramp, a platform, and best of all, at last I have a Hamster Wheel !

 I even have a  name; the youngest child has called me Charlotte.  It is a sweet and demure name, lulling them into a false sense of security - hahahhaaha.

12.05
There appears to some sort of technical hitch... apparently the rubber sucker pads to affix my water bottle to the outside of the cage are missing, which will necessitate a  return trip to the store, though that won't be today. I have been given a sturdy dish of water  instead.
I can live with that.......




To Be Continued.......
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2 comments:

debd said...

how adorable.

kellynbreesmom said...

very nicely written ! I enjoyed the hampsters point of view.