Today is a bad day.
Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, I spent running around like a headless chicken, getting all the funeral arrangements and legal paperwork etc done, as well as dealing with phone calls and correspondence for Mum.
By last night I was physically and mentally exhausted.
This morning I was looking through some files for photos of my brother to make a display at the gathering after the funeral, and I found one of DD2 as a toddler, my brother and one of his daughters.
That was it.
I simply fell apart at the seams and howled and howled. It was the first time I had really had time to grieve for him.
Luckily the girls were in school and DH was home to hug me and comfort me. And then take me out for a huge breakfast, which I demolished and which made me feel lots better.
I came home and continued to search for photos of Mark and found loads of lovely ones, from the time he was a baby only a few weeks old until about a few months ago.
I may well make a tribute page for him, I think.
The only things I can manage to pray at the moment are "Holy God, holy and strong", Our Father, and the prayers for the dead. I'm pretty much on auto-pilot and adrenaline, and will be till after the funeral the end of next week.