Thursday, September 24, 2009

Having A Bad Day

Today is a bad day.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, I spent running around like a headless chicken, getting all the funeral arrangements and legal paperwork etc done, as well as dealing with phone calls and correspondence for Mum.

By last night I was physically and mentally exhausted.

This morning I was looking through some files for photos of my brother to make a display at the gathering after the funeral, and I found one of DD2 as a toddler, my brother and one of his daughters.

That was it.
I simply fell apart at the seams and howled and howled. It was the first time I had really had time to grieve for him.

Luckily the girls were in school and DH was home to hug me and comfort me. And then take me out for a huge breakfast, which I demolished and which made me feel lots better.

I came home and continued to search for photos of Mark and found loads of lovely ones, from the time he was a baby only a few weeks old until about a few months ago.

I may well make a tribute page for him, I think.

The only things I can manage to pray at the moment are "Holy God, holy and strong", Our Father, and the prayers for the dead. I'm pretty much on auto-pilot and adrenaline, and will be till after the funeral the end of next week.

Kyrie, eleison.
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Dave said...

I continue to pray for you in your grief, for the consolation of the Comforter and Spirit of Truth Who is everywhere and fills all things, including the gaps left in our lives by those who leave this mortal realm.

Meg said...

What a lovely thought, Dave. I will carry this with me, and am so grateful you gave it to Elizabeth, who needs it most.

Have asked the Theotokos, "Softener of Evil Hearts," to bring comfort to all of you. The sight of her with all those swords in her heart helps bring home the point that if anyone understands grief, she does.

DebD said...

it makes perfect sense to fall apart... you are in my continuous thoughts and prayers. I can't imagine how hard it must be.

Anastasia Theodoridis said...

It's so hard. Crying sometimes is good. Cry to Christ, cry to the Theotokos, cry to the saints.

What a blessing to have a comforting husband!

with love and prayers,

Michelle M. said...

Oh, Elizabeth. I am praying for you. May God give you comfort. It is good to cry, especially what you have a wonderful husband by your side to support you. Much love!!

Mimi said...

I agree, it is ok, nay, even needed to cry like that. And Thanks be to God your lovely love was with you.

Prayers continue.

elizabeth said...

Lord have mercy.

My spiritual father spoke beautiful words at a funeral this week and he said to grieve makes us human, to grieve with hope makes us Christian. Within this, he spoke very openly about the importance of grieving and of crying.

Jesus wept.

The prayers you are doing are very good. And remember that the Church surrounds you and is with you praying.

My love to you.

Ian Climacus said...

Continued prayers and love from Down Under dear Elizabeth.