DoomHamster sent me these funnies, which had been circulating in her office :-)
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services
~ The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
~ The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
~ Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
~ Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
~ Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
~ Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not come this way again," giving obvious pleasure to many in the congregation.
~ For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
~ Next Thursday there will be try outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
~ Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
~ A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
~ At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
~ Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
~ Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
~ Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
~ The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
~ Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
~ The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
~ This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
~ The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
~ Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
~ Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
~ The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
~ Pastor Updyke unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday with the slogan: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours”.