Friday, March 18, 2005

Limbo

I tried to post this repeatedly on Wednesday, but Blogger wouldn`t let me.....
So here it is now :-)

I don`t know about you, but I feel as if I am in Limbo.
Great Lent has begun, I am attempting to fast, and failing frequently, but at least I am still trying and I haven`t yet given up in disgust at my pathetic lack of self-control and self-discipline.
I just feel....hollow.
Empty.
Waiting .
I am doing more spirtual reading, and am starting St John of Kronstadt`s "My Life in Christ".
I am making a point of consciously pausing and making the sign of the Cross each time I pass by my icon corner, which is on the way to the kitchen, instead of just breezing past with my mind full of thoughts.
I have realised how much my life is dominated by food, and now in the Fast so many food stuffs are off the menu, I find myself wondering what I should eat instead.
Instead of just grabbing the nearest food item and munching, I am probably giving food much more thought now than normal, which I find really ironic :-)
Nevertheless, food is not the centre of my being at the moment, and it feels kind of strange to have this gap where "obsession with food" normally is.
The gap, the Limbo, needs to be filled with love of Christ and of all those made in the image of God.
Pray for me, a sinner.
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